Things are really stressful at work right now. I don't want to get into the whole huge long story, but the quick version is that I feel that no matter what I do, it is never good enough. Most people in my profession would say that is a good thing. That you should always strive to be the best, and I certainly understand that and do. But the feeling I get from the higher ups is that if I want to succeed I better be willing to give up big chunks of my personal time and if I am not willing to give that up, then I will never be anything but mediocre. That's hard for me to deal with. This year I have felt like I should always be doing more, even though I am here very late at nights, crying most nights over the stress. (I'm writing this from work by the way).
I have started thinking about moving to another district which is a scary prospect because I really love my kids, love my school and love the program I have built. I have been here for 12 years and I can't imagine starting over somewhere new. While I was thinking about this there was a knock on my door. I wiped the tears away and found a former student, currently in the 11th grade at the high school. I had not really talked to him since he left the middle school because he got out of choir in high school. And while I visited with him, I realized how much I love my kids and how much I would miss them. How if I left, I wouldn't be able keep track of them as they moved up through high school and beyond. He said that nothing was ever quite like being in choir at the middle school.
Is this a sign? I'm not sure I believe in signs, but I can't ignore the timing. It didn't help me decide anything, but it was a 6 foot tall reminder of what I would be leaving behind and that is a very painful prospect. The question is which is more painful.