I have discovered that if there is any chink in my armor, my emotional armor, then the whole thing falls apart with one little skirmish. I'm tired and yet I will be going back to school tomorrow because there is still so much that I need to do.
We had a very emotional meeting with the fine arts coordinator. This was really supposed to be about my assistant, but I finally told him everything I was feeling about last year. I hadn't planned it, so it came amongst a total breakdown in my emotional barriers. We had a long, LONG talk and I think it helped some things, at least I hope so. I guess my emotions are kind of like Pandora's Box. Once you let it out you can't get it back in. So when I thought about other things like how much work I had to do I'd feel overwhelmed, and when I thought about my friend I started crying (despite doing so well yesterday). I don't think I will be the mess I was today everyday or even tomorrow (hopefully). I think that the draining meeting, the long list of things left to do, not feeling 100% are all contributing. I am very aware of the anxiety issues but I also know that I won't be able to avoid stress completely. I think how I handle it will make a difference.
For tonight I just want to sit and decompress. I'm going to throw on a movie and lay on the couch. And then I get to do it all again tomorrow.