Recognizing the Problem

Today was a stressful day. I was really looking forward to this evening's clinic with my mixed choir. I have a lot of respect for the director I hired to work with my students and I thought that the choir would enjoy him. Well things started falling apart early this afternoon. First my accompanist called and said that he wouldn't be able to make it because he had to see a specialist this afternoon on orders from his doctor. I certainly don't begrudge him that and I completely understood, but I spent the afternoon scrambling for an accompanist and never did find one by the time rehearsal started. Not much after that phone call I got an email from the clinician saying that he was sick and didn't have much of a voice, but would try his best. The event I was looking forward to was slipping out of my control. I'll throw in that my back has been hurting for the last few days although I'm not sure why. As I sat in my chair in front of my computer trying to think of names of people who played the piano and wondering exactly how much of a voice the clinician had, I could feel my muscles tensing up and knotting adding to the soreness in my back. Even as I sit here now I can feel the tension that has not unwound.

And the outcome? What do you expect! As it always does things worked out. The clinic was wonderful. I adore the clinician and while his top notes were fading out he could talk and had lots of energy for the kids. And my accompanist even made it to rehearsal halfway through. On my way home I remembered this post by the very thoughtful and introspective Derick about jumping to worst case scenarios and realized that I had totally fallen into that pattern. I *always* fall into the pattern of worst case scenarios. It is something that I want to work on, but I know that it is going to take a LONG time to change a lifetime of behavior. It didn't even occur to me that I was falling into that pattern until after everything was over. However, I feel like it was a breakthrough of sorts to recognize the pattern so soon after it happened. Maybe eventually I'll recognize it while it is happening and then maybe even before it happens. Hope springs eternal, at least for me.

Two other notes from this evening. First, there is just something about Dairy Queen ice cream cones. They are SO good. Second, I have a Cisco phone in my office and I have the ring set to the same ring that is used in the TV series, 24 (seriously everything is on YouTube). While the clinician was working the phone rang and he stopped and said "I feel like I'm in 24!". I started laughing and said THAT was why I picked that ring. He came over and whispered to me that I was a nerd (in the nicest way). LOL. I AM A NERD. I love my telephone ring.

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