Please ignore the following. I have to get it out of my head. Usually when I see it in print and work through writing it, it helps me put things in perspective. People have called me brave for the things I write about here. I figure it is more along the lines of foolish or crazy, blogging stupid things like this.
I have to be the only person on earth that freaks out when she loses weight. I noticed last week that I was about 5 pounds lighter than I thought I was. I had been planning to buy a new digital scale to get more accurate readings which I did on Friday. And of course that made things worse because each time I got on it it told me something different. The idea is that I'm only supposed to be weighing myself once a week, but instead I spent the weekend hopping on and off and the number would change each time by a pound or a few tenths, usually going down.
Now the more rational of you may say, hey doesn't sound like your scale is very accurate. Instead in my head it goes like this. Whoa, that's a pound less than yesterday. Fast forward a few hours. Oh my god, I've just lost a pound in four hours. Couple this with not eating as much and the anxiety section of my brain goes into a tizzy.
Never mind that I'm not nearly as active as I was during the school year. Never mind that I am a big time stress eater and stress has considerably lightened in the last two weeks. I can't tell you the number of times I would eat candy bars and ice cream and other stuff I shouldn't be eating just from stress or as some kind of relief. Never mind that my appetite ALWAYS changes during the summer. Oh and I finally set a date for my first walking event (Checklist item #6), I drew up a new walking schedule and stuck to it all last week. Last week was a very good week (re: I'm actually happy). But apparently none of those things matter to my brain. Instead it says, CANCER!
Sigh. I hope it is true that half the battle is admitting you have a problem. I hope this post will quiet those brain waves.