I want my life to change, but I don't know where to start or how to do it. In fact I'm not sure I know exactly how I want my life to change so that makes it harder. I just know that I'm not happy with the way things are. I don't think of myself as necessarily UNhappy, but I know that I am probably unhappier than I care to admit. I think that I supress that thought and end up in most of the time just existing.
I used to harbor a fantasy that I would pick up and move away and start all over again. My favorite candidates were Seattle or Ireland. I have never been to Seattle and the logistics in moving to Ireland would be unbelievable. But it was a nice little fantasy that was quelled a little today by this card at Post Secret
. Again I knew deep down that it probably wouldn't change anything, but I hate to have it confirmed.
Today I was driving around looking for a good place to sit out in the beautiful weather and read a book. Not much luck. The two parks I tried were packed full of people. A little more than I wanted to deal with. But as I was driving around between parks and restaurants I noticed all these people out in the sun, laughing, smiling, enjoying their lives and each other. My life is sad and lonely. Yet my first foray into the social world was a disaster. I'm burned and I don't want to try it again. I need to find a different way and different people to interact with, but I don't know how to start or what to do.
This post doesn't make much sense and I don't feel much like editing it. Just the ramblings of an emotional female at the height of hormonal patterns at the close of another uneventful weekend. I'm sure I'll snap out of it soon and resume my life of existing and be perfectly ok with it.