I couldn't stand it anymore and went to the vet today. Sometimes things roll around in my head, but then they start shouting louder and louder and LOUDER until they can not be ignored. The doctor took blood work, but was then called into emergency surgery. The other doctor had to leave before the final test results were in. She told me that right now it could be either hyperthyroidism or cancer (ruled out diabetes and renal failure). The cancer is indicated by an elevated calcium level. Everything else on her test was fine. They are going to call me tomorrow afternoon to let me know the hyperthyroidism test results.
She said if the thyroid test came back normal the next step would be to get a specialized test to see if it was cancer. Gypsy had that test done many moons ago when she was young and we were trying to track down the irritable bowel disease. It cost about $1000. Needless to say this is not something I can afford especially since I probably wouldn't be able to afford the treatments that would come afterwards. I am certainly willing to spend lots of money on my pet (just dropped $175 today), but there comes a point where you have to make some choices. I have a hard time justifying radiation treatments and surgery when it will only prolong the life by a year or two and the quality of life will be much less. It sounds so heartless to say that and I'm a little surprised that I'm saying it, but there it is.
I am surprisingly calm with bouts of sobbing which last about a minute and then goes back to calm. I don't know how much will change once I get the final word tomorrow. I do think it is better in the long run to have gone in. It feels better to know actual things, no matter how sad they are, than the made up things in my head.
UPDATE: All the blood work came back clean. The only thing that is out of place is the elevated calcium. The doctor recommended getting her retested after a 12 hour fast. I'm going to do that in a few weeks. I at least feel better now knowing it isn't kidney problems or diabetes. The rest will sort itself out. I can't thank my commenters enough for all your kind thoughts. There is nothing like pet people, the most loving caring people on earth.