A blog post

Hi.  My name is Laurie.  I used to blog here.  Every time I thought about writing a blog here I felt like I needed to catch you up on everything that has happened since the last time I blogged and that just sounded like too much work.  And when I thought about writing about current things and skipping the catch up I just couldn't seem to marshall my thoughts into a coherent string.  So I haven't written.

I'm not going to catch you up.  You can look back on my Twitter page if you are really curious.  I'm just going to tell you what is in my head.  I've been dealing with kitty stuff.  She is officially diagnosed with renal failure.  She is at the beginning of it and the vet told me on the phone that if I did nothing she would have a year or so and if I took some steps she could have two to three.  When he was listing things we could do to help her they didn't seem so bad, but I looked up the biggie tonight (giving subcutaneous fluids) and I'm not sure I can do it.  And it makes me feel like a terrible pet mom.  I'm not good with medical things anyway, but the idea of stabbing my kitty once a week with needle wounds me.  I can't look at people getting stuck with needles on TV and now I'm supposed to do it? But everything I read says that it really helps cats with renal failure because they get dehydrated since their kidneys don't work.  Anyway I'm freaking out tonight and will probably freak out at the vets and freak out when I try it the first time if I can bring myself to do it. 

It is at times like this that I wish I wasn't alone.  I wish I had someone to lean on that would be there for me and help me (and yes just do this for me so I wouldn't have to).  I'm so tired of being alone.  Of always having to be strong on my own.  Of not having someone to share my life with.  I'm not sure if I can be strong anymore.  And lately I've been thinking about the fact that I am probably going to be alone forever and that is a throughly depressing thought.  One half of my brain tells me that I need to learn to make peace with it and I will probably be happier.  The other part of me finds the thought of making peace with being alone for the rest of my life a throughly depressing thing.

You know sometimes you may not want to know what is in my head.  I sure don't. 

The Kiss

The New Awesome