Through the Lens

Photos by Katya Horner/Slight Clutter Photography

I have always said that I hate seeing myself in pictures.  For me it is much better to be behind the camera lens than in front of it.  It goes well with my introverted personality not to mention my personal image issues.  I rarely take self portraits because it is difficult technically and I'm usually not happy with how things turn out.   It is even more shocking to see myself in other people's photos.  It's not that I don't know what I look like, but the me that I have in my head does not match the me I see in pictures.  I hate having my picture taken so much that I used to joke to Assignment: Houston members that I would ban them from the group if they took my photo.  

There is a very small handful of people that I would trust to take my photo and make something beautiful that I would be happy with.  Katya Horner of Slight Clutter Photography is one of those people.  I'm trying to remember how I first started getting to know her and stopped being intimidated by her serious talent and her serious beauty and my memory fails me.  I think it has been a process over the years.  Katya has one of the most beautiful spirits that I have ever encountered and she understands me.  The broken me, the scared me, the lack of confidence me, the lonely me.  She gets all those things about me that I try to hide from the world and she doesn't brush it off as others do or try to fluff me up with false flattery but makes me feel normal and capable despite my insecurities.

I trusted her enough to say yes when she asked me to help her shoot a wedding, something I said I would never do in a million  years, and I trusted her when I saw that she was offering a portrait special in October.  I decided to jump on it and do something out of the ordinary and I'm so glad I did.  I know it should be obvious but getting your portrait taken is so different than taking self portraits.  It has just reinforced to me how hard self portraits are and maybe I won't be so hard on myself next time.  Every photographer should get out from behind the camera just once and get their portraits taken by another photographer.  It is a learning experience to be on the other side of the lens.   And for the first time I see myself in someone else's photos the way I see myself in my head and that is a beautiful thing.

So far...

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