This year's checklist is going to be a little different. I have two things on it and they aren't the easy check offs that the past years have been.
1.) Plan a party - 40 has been weighing on my mind for quite some time. When I had my break down last year one of the things that hurt was that I don't really have anyone to celebrate milestones with. A witness to my life. I have people who float in and out and most people, including my family, are on the periphery. I have a few dear friends who live here and there, but that isn't the same as that one person who signs on to share your life with you. I don't even have a best friend. Turning 40 is a pretty big milestone. My experience with big milestones is that people around you plan them out to celebrate and I didn't see that happening in my life.
While that still makes me sad, I don't want my 40th birthday to suck. Thanks to some unsolicited, but well timed and much needed advice I am going to plan a party. Part of me still feels like a loser for having to plan my own party, but I know that is my own mental hang up, and not reality. People plan their own parties all the time. It is probably going to take me all year to work on my mental blocks, but I am going to have to because I'm definitely going to have a party to celebrate my 40th. Saturday April 21st. Write it down.
Eeeeek! How do you have a party when you don't cook, don't have any money, and are terrible at socializing? Eeeeek!
2.) 40 for 40 - So I'm going to have this party and I want to feel good about it and myself. My goal is to lose 40 lbs by the time I turn 40. Now that is only a fraction of what I need to lose, but a.) I need to be realistic and b.) 40 for 40 sounds catchier than what the real number should be. I haven't quite figured out what I'm doing and I know it won't start this week for sure and I'm sure I will fail many times along the way because CAKE!, but I really hope I can make it. I always hear that putting things out there makes you more accountable. We shall see. I'm not going to give you my starting number, but I'll check in with progress reports.
So two tasks for year 39. Onward.