Anxiety

Woke up with horrible anxiety and worry.  I don't need a real reason to be anxious or worry, but I have a few.  

Worried about money.  Things are really tight after the car loan problem and it seems every two weeks there is something else that I have to spend money on.  

I am on my last pair of contacts so that has to be taken care of in the next few weeks and they aren't cheap, even with insurance.  

In the middle of the night I woke up and realized just how little and thin my cat has become.  I'm pretty sure it is just because of her old age and advancing kidney failure, but it freaked me out and I know I need to take her in soon for a check up.  That really worries me because I don't want to hear what he has to say and it will have to wait until after the contact lens expense.  

Even though my aunt is paying for the hotel and airline trip at Thanksgiving it is still going to cost me some money to go (cat sitter, etc.) and I need to do some planning and organizing to balance out when I'm going to see family.  

I promised my cousin I would go to Orlando in March but I have no idea when I'm going to be able to save the money for it.  

Work is always anxiety inducing.

I don't feel like I get enough rest, but it chafes at me to spend my weekends at home.  Except then sometimes I don't get out and do anything and then I hate that as well.

And I'm anxious about being anxious.  It is like my body craves anxiety and even if I had nothing to worry about it would find something, but I have real things to worry about (although I think not to the degree that my mind has decided to go at it) and so it is having a hayday.  

I know that my anxiety is the type that probably needs to be medicated but as I have mentioned before I want to avoid that as long as possible.  

I know I should do something like yoga, but that would create a whole new anxiety about finding a place to do it (seems I should learn at a place versus at home) and of course it costs money to do that.

*deep breath*  Ok.  I can handle this.  Write it down and get it out of my head (done).  Focus on one thing at a time. Clean living.  I need to get back on my bike and cut out the junk food which has taken over the last week or so.  Clean my apartment because I feel better when it looks nice and it is a disaster right now.  Go to bed early.  I know there are things I can do.  *deep breath*

 

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MP2: In Praise of Hot Showers