In terms of my 2011 resolutions, this year was an utter failure. I alluded to it in the original post when I expressed my concern over lack of specifics. Sure enough without concrete steps the resolution of "living a beautiful life" flew right out the window. I had nothing to hold myself to. I shake my head at the hippy dippy language from a year ago.
This year has been a step backward in many ways. I feel like I have retreated into myself. The careful advances I have made in getting to know people, to combat social anxiety, to put myself out there have all withered away. I have turned back towards my reclusive ways. When an opportunity comes up to socialize or put myself out there either physically or emotionally I veered away from it. I always had an excuse, a reason, a justification. For most of the year I thought I was just being lazy but I really noticed it when I was at a performance at Miller Outdoor Theater in the fall and I felt anxious. I wanted to be back at my apartment on my sofa. I could actually feel it welling up inside me but there was no reason for me to feel that way. That is when the warning flag went up. Somehow my life had gotten off track.
So for 2012 I have gone the complete opposite direction (as crazy people are wont to do). I have a bunch of resoutions, almost all of them tangible and concrete. I have over the years been much more successful with my birthday checklist in part because they were small and concrete items that I could easily check off as done or not done. This years resolutions resemble a hybrid between my resolutions and my birthday checklist and I have a bunch of them. My resolutions this year are basically a map that I will follow step by step to get to the improvements I want by the end of the year.
I will be telling you about them over the next few days and I will be blogging much more about them as I go through the year. I've gone around and around trying to beat them into some kind of order. I think I mostly got it but there are items that I will probably add and/or drop before the year ends. I already feel better about the choices than I did last year and that is a good start.
P.S. Birthday checklist? I'm doing crappy on that one as well because for some reason I also decided to change format with that and have two huge items instead of tiny little things. Right now I don't think I'm going to do a birthday checklist and just concentrate on the resolutions.