Work is not a happy place right now. No details, just lots of stress and negativity and dreams of being somewhere else, anywhere else. When I get like this I look up other jobs and dream of other things to do, but when I really start looking at things like qualifications and salaries I realize this isn't something that is going to happen easily. If I could craft my dream job it would be connected with the arts and education in some way and that is a very narrow job field.
And then it hit me the other day. I dream of finding a new job like I dream of finding a person to share my life with. That I'm going to be walking along and someone is going to just stop me and say "You! You are the person I've been waiting for." That someone I've communicated with online or in person will suddenly realize I'm the woman of their dreams or that I would be a great fit in their company. When I think about it in those terms I know it is obviously not going to happen that way.
So what to do. On the job front I may look into going to a career counselor for advice. Not to do anything drastic right away but to work on some options for the near term future. The other thing that I may have to face up to is leaving my school and/or school district. I always tell new teachers not to give up on teaching but to maybe try a new age level or new school because they are all so different. Yet I don't take my own advice. I've been at my school for 17 years and the idea of leaving is terrifying. But so is the idea of being somewhere my whole career where I am going through the motions when if I was just brave enough to take one step to the left my whole outlook would change.
As for the dating front, I have no clue. I can pretend that it doesn't bother me, that seeing the big 4-0 drawing ever closer (29 days) and still being virtually alone is no big deal, but that would be a huge lie.
I think that my life has been drifting along with the current for a while. If I want true change I am going to have to take hold of the rudder and start doing some steering.